Best Halloween Costumes for Cranston 2009

by Josh Wood Wednesday October 21, 2009

OK, Halloween is only about a week away. But don’t panic. There are plenty of ideas for throw-together Cranston Style costumes for the terminally lazy trick-or-treater. These are costume interpretations of some of Cranston’s current events. Kind of a walking year-end summary to haunt and confuse your neighbors. The best part is you won’t need to rely on that satirical mylar Balloon Boy costume kit you ordered from a company in Saskatoon. Yes, Canadians are funny. But, I guarantee the neighborhoods are going to be flocking with Balloon Boys this Halloween, so send it back to the canucks and try a local costume this year. These costumes are so smart that your neighbors will have to ask you what they mean.

No Bin, No Barrel

This excellent city mandate to recoup money lost on garbage tonnage makes the perfect costume for two. First, find a recycling bin. The easiest way is to borrow one from your neighbor – maybe from the neighbor who leaves them out that extra day. By the time they notice it’s gone you will have transformed it into a work of brilliant costumery. It’s important to try to locate a green bin, because those blue ones get kind of sticky. Cut some holes in it to facilitate limbs. Do the same to a garbage barrel, and two can trick-or-treat together inseparably. Make sure you don’t smell too bad, or it will be No Bin, No Barrel, No Candy.

Rolfe Square Pot Hole

Despite efforts to encourage a tolerance of potholes, it can still be disconcerting when one swallows your Honda. Enter this classic Cranston costume for the larger child or adult (it won’t work on the under-nourished). Hang a bumper or a hub cap for added effect.

Phantom Books in Limbo

Among the many victims of the recession is the Cranston Public Library. Budget cuts have forced the library to supplement their collection via an Amazon wish list, turning some potential holdings into Phantom Books in Limbo. Dress up as Wicked Plants: The Weed That Killed Lincoln’s Mother and Other Botanical Atrocities, by Amy Stewart, and ask your neighbors to buy you for the CPL.

Cranston Bank Robber

Here’s a little secret. In most places, robbers tend to wear masks or stockings to obscure their faces from witnesses and cameras. In Cranston, they wear hard hats. This Halloween, dress as a Cranston bank robber and put on a hard hat. The best part of this costume will be to watch the range of reactions from your neighbors: 1) It will start with disappointment when they realize that you’re not here to fix the roof. 2) It will switch to fear when they suspect you might be there to steal the rest of the Snickers bars. 2) And it will resolve in indifference when they realize you’re just a another trick-or-treater, tipped off because you’re standing next to someone in a mylar Balloon Boy costume made in Saskatoon.

The Old Tarp From the Park Cinema

(Pictured at top). Now that the Park Cinema is on the verge of a rebirth into the Rhode Island Center for the Performing Arts, it has shed the tarp that hung in the entrance for most of its six-year renovation. Nothing will make you more popular than cruising the ‘hood as that venerable protective sheet of blue plastic. You’ll be greeted by enthusiastic choruses of “Hey look! Tarp!” and “I love you, Tarp!” and “Tarp, can I bear your children?” So how do you make this beloved costume? Simply cut a hole in a tarp, a green tarp if possible, and stick your head through it. The rest is pure attitude. Go get ‘em Tarpy!

Well, there you go. Five Cranston costume ideas of varying degrees of difficulty, to delight and annoy your neighbors. Be safe, and be spooky.

Special thanks to my Route 22 bus friends for helping to brainstorm this year’s costume ideas.

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